Now that my father was back to drinking at full speed it was unpredictable when he would be awake and when he would be asleep. The only thing that was predictable is when he was awake, he was drinking. I was not really around my father as I work from home and spent my time in the office I used. Other than that, I tried to keep my distance from him to show him I did not accept his drinking in any way. Plus, every time I did encounter my father, he was always ranting and raving about something.
One time, my father was complaining about how the neighborhood boy came to the house and asked him for the seven dollars my father owed him for cutting the lawn. My father claimed that he had never seen the boy before and he never had anyone mow his lawn. He kept ranting about how the little boy was trying to “screw him over” and trying to “scam” him because he cut his own grass. He also mentioned a few times about how the little boy was a “con artist”.
The truth of the matter is, he used to have this boy come over every week to cut his lawn for about two or three months. In fact, my father had told me before that he had the boy from down the street cut his lawn for him. Apparently he was too intoxicated to remember that he was always too drunk to mow his own lawn.
Like I said before, my father was intoxicated or already on his way there when I went to visit him on occasion. Not only that, but it was always dark, there were empty cases of beer lying around and a full stock of whiskey under the sink. Also, the topic of conversation was always my mom.
I never understood why he would always talk badly about her. He would talk about her like she cheated on him or betrayed him in some awful way, which she never did. Even through their separation, my parents would still do things together all the time. It was rare when my mom was not with my dad whether my mom was with him at his house or they were together running errands. They had a pretty good relationship and most of the time, they got along like they were never separated at all.
But, he still blamed my mom for everything that he could think of. He blamed her for his migraines, for whatever troubles the family might have been going through and he even blamed her for losing their house. It’s funny that it was “my mom’s fault” that they lost the house, she worked as hard as she could to try and keep the flow of things while it my dad was too busy drinking and taking mini vacations from work.
The next part is rather confusing. One minute he talked badly about her, but in the next breath would talk about how he missed how things were and how he missed my mom. He would even act like they were still together when they would do something together. I would even joke about how they seemed closer than when they were still actually together.
After a few months of living on his own, it was obvious to me that he was tired of being alone and completely responsible for everything. He needed my mom, and he knew it.