Living on his own again took a toll on my father. I feel like this is the part where he started to lose his mind. Of course he was upset about the divorce and he would always cry about how “my mom left him”. How he was so upset about this, I do not know – HE is the one who filed for divorce!
So, my dad would cry about losing my mom, losing their house, the “incident” with my brother, and whatever else was happening that day or five years ago. Everyone he loved was moving away from him – but there was one person he still had who was relatively close: ME. He would always call me when he was drunk to talk about things and he would send me text messages that only had bitter things to say about my mom.
Once again, it was funny that he would say bad things about my mom because of course she was still sweet as pie to my father after the divorce. Even though she was out of state, my mom told me she would talk to my dad all the time and they act like nothing happened. Knowing my parents, this was probably true. They still wanted to be together, but they were divorced and my mother said she would not get back with him until he stopped drinking.
Even though things were good between him and my mom, I was the closest person to him which made me the next in line to feel the wrath of my drunk father.
Right before my father divorced my mother, and even before moved into the rental home with my mother, my mother quit her job so she could concentrate on a career change. Her job gave her a tremendous severance package that would give her the ability to do so on a limited budget.
When my father moved in, my parents were talking about canceling their separation and moving on with their lives. So, they started to look for a new home so they could start this “new life” together. In fact, they found the perfect home for them.
My mom was so excited about how things were going, she was excited that her family was back together, she was excited about going back to school, she was excited about the house, even excited about the pool and the front loading washer and dryer that came with the house.
Then, as you know, my father filed divorce. Coincidentally, he filed for divorce the day before they were about to close on the house that my mom was so excited about getting. I do not know if this was supposed to be a direct stab at my mother for trying to better her life, or if my father was so afraid of change for the better. If I think about it, it seems that a change for the better would mean that maybe things would be OK in his life for once and he would not have an excuse to sit around and drink all day.
So, the day came when he kicked my brother out. My brother had lost his job earlier in the week, took a few days off for himself and started to look for a job right after that.
A few days later, my dad walked into the computer room and my brother was looking for jobs on the internet. My dad started on my brother about how he needed to find a job, and how he was a loser for losing his job. When my brother said, “I am looking for a job, right as we speak”, my dad blew up.
My dad started a HUGE argument with my brother and when my mom came to break things up, my dad started yelling at her. Because my dad was yelling at my mom, my brother started yelling back at him. That is when my dad kicked my brother out of the house and that’s not even the crazy part…
That night, my dad told my mom to choose between “her” son and him. My mom told him he could not ask her to do a thing like that (who would actually choose?). She also said, there is no way she would not see her son anymore, and she went to bed. The next morning, my father filed for a divorce, not just a separation, a real divorce.
When I talked to my dad about this, he said he filed for divorce to see how my mom would respond. He said he needed to know if she would really choose him and he claimed it was a “test” for her. My mom, unaware of his games, just decided to sign the papers and give him what he wanted. She said, “if he wants a divorce, then I guess that’s what we will do, but I am not choosing between my son and my husband”.