Author Archives: A.L. Concord

Accept That You Need to Help Yourself, First

In another excerpt from my book “How to Cope with The Alcoholic in Your Life”, I talk about the importance of placing yourself first and accepting the fact that you need to help yourself, first before you can help the alcoholic in your life.

We have talked about how you cannot help the Alcoholic in Your Life quit drinking until they want to quit drinking – the keyword being, “want”.  Who knows when this time will come?

In the meantime, family members of alcoholics are struggling to deal with their own battles on top of worrying about the alcoholic in their lives, arguing with them and going through very traumatic experiences because of them.

Since we do not know, nor can we tell, when the Alcoholic in Your Life plans on getting help for their addiction, we need to focus on what we do know.  We know that you can help yourself now.

In fact, it is easier to help yourself cope with the situation, first, rather than trying to make the alcoholic want to quit drinking or waiting for them to want to quit drinking.  This way, you can learn to accept that this situation is out of your control.  You can find your own happiness.  You can make the situation more tolerable to deal with.  You can find the normal you have been searching for.

In order to do this, you need to: Create normal in your life, Organize your priorities and make yourself #1, Never enable the Alcoholic in Your Life, create a Thought journal to sort through your problems, Reinforce the normal in your life, Only help when the Alcoholic in Your Life wants to quit and Look for support from those close to you. Or, you need to take CONTROL of your life and your happiness.

Help Yourself Now

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Excerpt From “How to Cope with The Alcoholic in Your Life”

Here is an excerpt from my book, entitled “How to Cope With the Alcoholic in Your Life“.

For several years, I have been dealing with my father, the alcoholic in my life.  This has been an experience unlike any other.  I have never had to deal with anything like this before and was unprepared and lost when the everyday situations I had to face started to become more permanent.

When things started to get consistently worse, I realized how completely disturbing it was to see him the way that he was and still is to this day.  It is shocking to see how he acts so different and how I can no longer see my father inside.

At the same time, I realized how his addiction started to affect me in a negative way.  I felt angry, upset, hurt, scared, embarrassed, ashamed, disappointed, you name it!  I was emotionally drained.  So, I took a look at my situation and realized his problem was starting to affect my life, as well as other family members around him that knew about his condition.

I feel like I have been to hell in back with my father and his drinking addiction.  So, after many arguments, hearing him talk badly about others that I love, and many attempts of trying to talk to my father about his problem, all I got from him was: “I drink because I drink”.  Unacceptable.

I searched the internet high and low trying to find ways to help my father quit drinking.  I even tested out a few theories that I found, but still “I drink because I drink” he told me.  I finally gave in, all I could think is “oh great, this does not look like this is ending soon”.

Cope with the Alcoholic in Your Life Today


How to Cope With the Alcoholic in Your Life

How to Cope With the Alcoholic in Your LifeFor anyone who has had to deal with an alcoholic in their lives, my book “How to Cope With the Alcoholic In Your Life“, takes you through the steps I have used to help myself overcome the hardship that is having to have an alcoholic in my life.  Ever since I found out a way to help myself, I have been excited to share the information with others.

In this book, I discuss ways people can help themselves deal with the emotional roller coaster that comes with having an alcoholic around.  I have organized the book into a series of steps that will help you make yourself happier in the process of finding ways to deal with the alcoholic in your life, instead of obsessing about trying to make the alcoholic in your life quit drinking.

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How I Have Dealt With the Alcoholic in My Life

Over the course of the past few years dealing with the alcoholic in my life, I have picked up a few things along the way that has helped me better cope with my situation.  I have learned to help myself stay focused on the things that I can control instead of draining my energy and resources on the things that I can not control.

I learned that the one thing that I can not control are the actions and decisions of someone else.  In this case, I can not control the drinking habits of my father and I cannot persuade him to stop drinking either.  What I can control is how I handle the situations involving my father when he is drinking.

For example, I can choose to remove myself from any negative conversations such as the drunken text messages that I have received.   I have made it clear to myself that I will not put up with his drinking on any level and have made a commitment that I will not let his destructive ways interfere with my life.

From my experiences, I have vowed to help others, like me, deal with the alcoholic in their lives.  If you would like to learn more about the methods I have adopted to help myself deal with my father, you can check out my book, “How to Cope With the Alcoholic in Your Life“.


Advice For Dealing With An Alcoholic

Over my struggles with my father, I have found out that it is better to help myself to deal with the struggles that I have gone through in lieu of my father’s drinking habits.  I had spent a lot of time and energy trying to get my father to see that he had a problem, however, he continued on like what I said does not matter.  This angered me for a little while because my father always resisted my attempts and I only wanted him to stop drinking so he would be able to live a long and healthy life.

But, after I realized that I do not have power over the situation, I decided to move on and help myself deal with the feelings of anger and distress over my father’s actions.  If I am not able to help him, I will at least help myself deal with the ugly truth that my father will never be the same until the day he decided to opt for a healthier lifestyle.

So, my advice for people who have to go through a similar situation, is to try and not let the alcoholic in your life’s problem affect your own life as much.  Each day, try to make your life better and do not let yourself get down if you can not get through to the alcoholic in your life.


Things I Realized Dealing With An Alcoholic

One of the most important things I learned with my journey dealing with my alcoholic father is that I can not help him, my mom can not help him, my whole entire family put together will not be able to help him.  He has to be the one who wants to commit to helping himself, or he will never fully get out of this state of mind.

I have realized that the more people who tell him he needs to get help, the more he will resist.  Basically, if he is convinced that he needs to get better and go to rehab, he may try to go to rehab, but will end up right where he is right now.  If this happens, he will never fully get over his addiction.  However, if he makes a commitment to himself, this commitment will be more sincere and he will have his own desires to change his life for the better.

It is a hard thing to deal with an alcoholic.  I feel that if he will continue to do what he pleases no matter how much my family and I beg and plead for him to stop.  With that said, I have realized that I might as well try to help myself overcome the obstacles that result from dealing with an alcoholic and let him find his own path to recovery.


The First Step

After days and weeks of text messages coming from my father, I decided that I could not put up with the messages and his hateful words any longer.  Even though I was not responding to his text messages, they kept on coming.  Even though they would stop for a couple of days, they would end up coming back.

I just wanted to put this whole ugly mess behind me and move on with my life.  I was done trying to help my father quit drinking, and I realized the most important thing of all: I needed to start helping myself deal with this issue.  The first step to helping myself was to block all text messages from his number.

Finally, a sense of relief took over as I realized I would not be waking up to these hateful text messages.  I could finally move past this and move on with my life.


Drunken Text Messages Part II

Over the course of three days, my father had sent me a total of 56 text messages.  I did no respond to one of them.  As I said before, I did not want to fuel his fire even more.  After the three days, the text  messages stopped and I thought it was over.   Boy, was I wrong!

The first I had heard from my father, he said I had some junk mail, he wanted to know if he should send it over or if he could rip it up.  I still did not respond.

A week later, he said “your girl has some mail over here” he said he would try to remember to send it within the next two days.  I did not respond, yet we were unpleasantly unsurprised that my father had written “THANK GOD SHE DOES NOT LIVE HERE ANYMORE” on the envelope he sent back in the mail.

He wanted us to drop the keys to the house off to him,  the text message read “You have no reason, to come around my house anymore.  You and the girl.  I have tried to talk to you but you don’t respond.  So just drop the keys in the mailbox at your pleasure”.   However, we did not want to go over there by any means, so we just threw the key away.  I figured he was afraid we would do something to him or the house, but I did not have any such intentions of doing so, so I just kept ignoring what he sent to me.

My father went back and forth with the “compliments” offering what he called his “fatherly advice” and then turned right back around to cut me down.  He tried and tried to say the worst things to be from calling me names like “Sissy Boy” and other words and telling me to be my own man by “telling the girl to do the laundry, and cooking and washing the dishes!”.

He made it pretty clear that he thought the plan I had for my life was a big waste.  He also made it pretty clear that he did not like my girlfriend and was adament that she is bringing me down.  I still did not respond.


Drunken Text Messages

I did not start to read my father’s drunken text messages until I woke up the next morning to find more, and more were coming as I was looking at my phone.  He only sent five over the course of the night when I slept and when I woke up, I received 24 more text messages.  So, I decided to start reading to see what he had to say.  Naturally, the texts were jumbled with misspelt words, but I could still figure out what he was saying.

The text messages started out civil.  My father told me that he wished us the best and that I did a good job exiting the house.     After a few hours he started to talk about how I “s**t on him and chose ‘the girl'”.  The Girl, “let’s just call her that for now”, he said.

He told me I did him wrong and I have “disappointed him beyond belief”.  However, he changed his tone a half hour after he said that.  He told me that I was the “most respectful of all”.  This was probably because he started focusing on my girlfriend again.  He told me “Forget the girl, I saw you doing the laundry, doing cooking, doing everything. Trust me guy, you are working up a slippery slope.  Dump her ass!”

Is it wrong of me to help my girlfriend carry a heavy laundry basket down the stairs, is it wrong of me to help my girlfriend out with all the chores around the house?

“Save yourself from regret.  Save your good part from her”.  How did he become so angry at someone who cooked for him, cleaned his house and was nothing but nice to him the whole time she lived there?

After a while, the texts just started to blur together and become one insult after the other or a “smart” one-liner that he probably thought was clever.  It was like he was typing out this thoughts in the form of a text message.


A Sigh of Relief

It felt good to not have to smell a smog of cigarette smoke throughout the house, it felt good to be able to sleep without thinking someone was going to burn the house down in the middle of the night and it felt good not to hear the crack of a fresh beer every five minutes or the clinking of ice in a glass.  The best part of all, was that I was not afraid to walk around the house and I was not afraid of being stared down with every move I made and criticized for everything I did.

While I felt sad that in a way, my father was gone, I still felt a sense of relief and that a huge weight was taken off my shoulders as there was a lot less worry in my mind.  However, the wrath of my father was not over as he made sure he would get in his last word.

Starting late the night we moved (after we had gone to bed) the drunken text messaging began.  As I have said before, my father takes texting to a whole other level.  My father sent me texts starting around 5:00 PM and they did not stop until around 11:30 pm that night (25 text messages).  I did not respond because I did not want to fuel his fire, I figured all of the messages were going to be filled with hate.  Plus, I feel that I have already said my peace with him whether he remembers it or not.