Monthly Archives: November 2012

Accept That You Need to Help Yourself, First

In another excerpt from my book “How to Cope with The Alcoholic in Your Life”, I talk about the importance of placing yourself first and accepting the fact that you need to help yourself, first before you can help the alcoholic in your life.

We have talked about how you cannot help the Alcoholic in Your Life quit drinking until they want to quit drinking – the keyword being, “want”.  Who knows when this time will come?

In the meantime, family members of alcoholics are struggling to deal with their own battles on top of worrying about the alcoholic in their lives, arguing with them and going through very traumatic experiences because of them.

Since we do not know, nor can we tell, when the Alcoholic in Your Life plans on getting help for their addiction, we need to focus on what we do know.  We know that you can help yourself now.

In fact, it is easier to help yourself cope with the situation, first, rather than trying to make the alcoholic want to quit drinking or waiting for them to want to quit drinking.  This way, you can learn to accept that this situation is out of your control.  You can find your own happiness.  You can make the situation more tolerable to deal with.  You can find the normal you have been searching for.

In order to do this, you need to: Create normal in your life, Organize your priorities and make yourself #1, Never enable the Alcoholic in Your Life, create a Thought journal to sort through your problems, Reinforce the normal in your life, Only help when the Alcoholic in Your Life wants to quit and Look for support from those close to you. Or, you need to take CONTROL of your life and your happiness.

Help Yourself Now


Excerpt From “How to Cope with The Alcoholic in Your Life”

Here is an excerpt from my book, entitled “How to Cope With the Alcoholic in Your Life“.

For several years, I have been dealing with my father, the alcoholic in my life.  This has been an experience unlike any other.  I have never had to deal with anything like this before and was unprepared and lost when the everyday situations I had to face started to become more permanent.

When things started to get consistently worse, I realized how completely disturbing it was to see him the way that he was and still is to this day.  It is shocking to see how he acts so different and how I can no longer see my father inside.

At the same time, I realized how his addiction started to affect me in a negative way.  I felt angry, upset, hurt, scared, embarrassed, ashamed, disappointed, you name it!  I was emotionally drained.  So, I took a look at my situation and realized his problem was starting to affect my life, as well as other family members around him that knew about his condition.

I feel like I have been to hell in back with my father and his drinking addiction.  So, after many arguments, hearing him talk badly about others that I love, and many attempts of trying to talk to my father about his problem, all I got from him was: “I drink because I drink”.  Unacceptable.

I searched the internet high and low trying to find ways to help my father quit drinking.  I even tested out a few theories that I found, but still “I drink because I drink” he told me.  I finally gave in, all I could think is “oh great, this does not look like this is ending soon”.

Cope with the Alcoholic in Your Life Today

How to Cope With the Alcoholic in Your Life

How to Cope With the Alcoholic in Your LifeFor anyone who has had to deal with an alcoholic in their lives, my book “How to Cope With the Alcoholic In Your Life“, takes you through the steps I have used to help myself overcome the hardship that is having to have an alcoholic in my life.  Ever since I found out a way to help myself, I have been excited to share the information with others.

In this book, I discuss ways people can help themselves deal with the emotional roller coaster that comes with having an alcoholic around.  I have organized the book into a series of steps that will help you make yourself happier in the process of finding ways to deal with the alcoholic in your life, instead of obsessing about trying to make the alcoholic in your life quit drinking.

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How I Have Dealt With the Alcoholic in My Life

Over the course of the past few years dealing with the alcoholic in my life, I have picked up a few things along the way that has helped me better cope with my situation.  I have learned to help myself stay focused on the things that I can control instead of draining my energy and resources on the things that I can not control.

I learned that the one thing that I can not control are the actions and decisions of someone else.  In this case, I can not control the drinking habits of my father and I cannot persuade him to stop drinking either.  What I can control is how I handle the situations involving my father when he is drinking.

For example, I can choose to remove myself from any negative conversations such as the drunken text messages that I have received.   I have made it clear to myself that I will not put up with his drinking on any level and have made a commitment that I will not let his destructive ways interfere with my life.

From my experiences, I have vowed to help others, like me, deal with the alcoholic in their lives.  If you would like to learn more about the methods I have adopted to help myself deal with my father, you can check out my book, “How to Cope With the Alcoholic in Your Life“.

Advice For Dealing With An Alcoholic

Over my struggles with my father, I have found out that it is better to help myself to deal with the struggles that I have gone through in lieu of my father’s drinking habits.  I had spent a lot of time and energy trying to get my father to see that he had a problem, however, he continued on like what I said does not matter.  This angered me for a little while because my father always resisted my attempts and I only wanted him to stop drinking so he would be able to live a long and healthy life.

But, after I realized that I do not have power over the situation, I decided to move on and help myself deal with the feelings of anger and distress over my father’s actions.  If I am not able to help him, I will at least help myself deal with the ugly truth that my father will never be the same until the day he decided to opt for a healthier lifestyle.

So, my advice for people who have to go through a similar situation, is to try and not let the alcoholic in your life’s problem affect your own life as much.  Each day, try to make your life better and do not let yourself get down if you can not get through to the alcoholic in your life.

Things I Realized Dealing With An Alcoholic

One of the most important things I learned with my journey dealing with my alcoholic father is that I can not help him, my mom can not help him, my whole entire family put together will not be able to help him.  He has to be the one who wants to commit to helping himself, or he will never fully get out of this state of mind.

I have realized that the more people who tell him he needs to get help, the more he will resist.  Basically, if he is convinced that he needs to get better and go to rehab, he may try to go to rehab, but will end up right where he is right now.  If this happens, he will never fully get over his addiction.  However, if he makes a commitment to himself, this commitment will be more sincere and he will have his own desires to change his life for the better.

It is a hard thing to deal with an alcoholic.  I feel that if he will continue to do what he pleases no matter how much my family and I beg and plead for him to stop.  With that said, I have realized that I might as well try to help myself overcome the obstacles that result from dealing with an alcoholic and let him find his own path to recovery.

The First Step

After days and weeks of text messages coming from my father, I decided that I could not put up with the messages and his hateful words any longer.  Even though I was not responding to his text messages, they kept on coming.  Even though they would stop for a couple of days, they would end up coming back.

I just wanted to put this whole ugly mess behind me and move on with my life.  I was done trying to help my father quit drinking, and I realized the most important thing of all: I needed to start helping myself deal with this issue.  The first step to helping myself was to block all text messages from his number.

Finally, a sense of relief took over as I realized I would not be waking up to these hateful text messages.  I could finally move past this and move on with my life.